I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
