woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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