I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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