a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
