I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had to cum in my sink.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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