I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
