You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
