Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
