ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
