I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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