i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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