Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
