Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
