just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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