sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
