is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
