It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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