yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
