ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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