whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
