Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
