i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
