So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
