I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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