he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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