remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
