and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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