I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
