It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
