Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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