Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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