You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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