you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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