i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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