Welp...herpes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
