girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
