I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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