Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
