It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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