OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
