brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
