my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
