Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
