i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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