They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
