Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
