For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We are two peas in an std pod
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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