bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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