Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
