I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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