He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
