Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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