Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
