The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
